“Like maybe if the models took this self defense class, and they were in a situation of abuse or rape, it could help them not kill the rapist, and defend themselves.” they said.

We were sitting in the host’s living room. they’d dropped by for a quick visit. This artist had always voiced their view that all women should know how to defend themselves. And of course, in a perfect world, that may be possible. But it seemed to elude them that we did not inhabit a perfect world at all. And that the lack of expertise or knowledge of self defense is not the number 1 reason why these women go through what they go through. It eluded her that the abused being may have possessed the physical capacity to defend but not the mental or emotional capacity in that moment. It seemed to elude them that there are several aspects to humans, and that in some of the cases where humans are abused, it is not only because of physical entrapment, but also because of mental and emotional entrapment. It eluded the artist that both men and women who survive rape, can live to be as dead as the murdered, when they have not been able to settle through what’s happened or has been happening to them.

In the midst of my immediate, extremely intense “fight or flight (increased heartbeat rate + increased shortness of breath + adrenaline spike”, I carefully responded: “Or maybe it could teach them to kill their rapist in self defense instead next time.”.

they looked puzzled by my response.

There were 3 others in the room, none of whom said anything.

I sat with it.